


Demons Within and Without

by natsora



Series: Bad Things Happen [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Blood, Bruises, Captured, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Left Behind - Freeform, Live Operation, Major Character Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Torture, Nightmare, Non-consensual touch, Panic Attack, Torture, Vivisection, Whump, Wounded, bad things happen, trap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:19:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18814531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/pseuds/natsora
Summary: Ryder tries her best in a job she wasn’t trained, in a job she didn’t want. With Jaal at her side, she strives to live up to everyone’s hopes and dreams. But after dying again, this time at the hands of SAM, she needs some much needed rest. But one wrong move, one broken promise, puts her in the hands of her worst enemy and a fate worse than death.





	1. Marked by the Archon

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 is fairly mild and it is safe to read on its own, but fair warning, the remaining 2 chapters will up the intensity very quickly. Chapter 2 will end in a cliffhanger. And chapter 3 will have things going very very badly. _Do not read chapter 2 if you don't think you can handle a bad ending._
> 
> There isn't a good ending for this story. Let me repeat. **There isn't a good ending for this story.**
> 
> Tags and ratings will be updated with each chapter. It will end with an explicit tag and graphic description of violence and rape/non-con warnings by the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission to the Archon’s ship is a resounding success. Everyone agrees. Ryder finds the location to Meridian, thumbs the Archon’s nose, rescued Clan Nakmor’s scouts and even rescued the salarian ark to boot. What does it matter if she had to die, again, to get it all done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Bad Things Happen Bingo Card - Bruises. Lylypuce

_Can’t breathe._

Darkness enveloped her like a blanket determined to smoulder her. 

_Can’t breathe._

She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. She was trapped, held down by a force stronger than gravity. 

_Can’t breathe._

The silence loud against her ears even as a distant pulse of light rippled at the edges of her vision. 

_I’m dead. This is what death is._

Electricity jolted through her body. She tried to arc her body but she couldn’t move. An inferno erupted from her chest, lighting all her nerve endings on fire. Her lungs heaved for air that wouldn't come. 

_Let me rest. I’m tired._

But the world was cruel as another bolt of lightning coursed her body. Ryder sat up, screaming. Her eyes snapped opened. She panted, gulping for air greedily.

“Ryder!” 

A large hand gripped her, pulling her close into her hug. The familiar bio-electricity prickled along her skin. It grounded her, reminded her where she was.

“Are you ok? Should I call Lexi?” Jaal asked, tilting her face towards his. 

Ryder turned away, she didn’t want him to see how weak she was. They had boarded the Archon’s ship just hours prior and made away with the location to Meridian as well as Drack’s scouts. They even found the salarian ark. By all accounts it was a resounding success, what did it matter if she had to die again to get it all done. 

_I’m alive now. That’s what matters right?_

A flash of the Archon’s face snapped into her mind’s eye. His hand tightened around her neck, fingers clamping down hard, choking her as she was locked into place by the stasis field. A lance of pain shot up her head as the Archon stabbed the back of her neck. 

_What did he do to me? Did he give me these nightmares?_

Ryder couldn’t breathe, her tears choking her, the lump in her throat wouldn’t budge. Her gasps grew more desperate and her sobs louder as she fought for breath. 

“Ryder, Ryder, breathe,” Jaal cooed, his arms tugged her back into the bed. “You’re safe. It’s safe.”

His arms usually a safe harbour, was now dragging her into a darkness she feared. She resisted, hunching against his pull. But his larger frame and strength overpowered her. The pressure of his hands against her body woke all the abuse she had suffered. She groaned. Pain was a wave that rippled and crested before finally crashing down over her. 

“SAM, get Lexi!” He cried, alarm colouring his words. “Ryder needs help.”

“No,” she whispered, trying to stand but her limbs trembled and refused to bear her weight. 

“Dr. T’Perro is on her way.”

It took barely a minute before the door hissed open. “What happened?” Lexi asked as she entered, bag of supplies in hand. Her trained eye took in the situation quickly enough. “Let’s get you to the med-bay. Jaal could you help her over? I’ll go over and get prepped.”

“I don’t need to go to the med-bay,” she protested, her voice raspy. 

But Jaal was quick to scoop her up into his arms. Pain flashed across her back and chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and slumped against his chest, shivering as cold sweet poured from her brow. 

Lexi hesitated at the threshold, leaving only when she was sure Jaal could handle things. Before Ryder could struggle out of his arms, Jaal had carried her to the med-bay. Under the harsh lights there, she wanted to just curl up and disappear. It’s bad enough Lexi was summoned because she had a nightmare but to be carried to the med-bay because of it was overkill. 

“I’m fine, Lexi,” she tried to convince the doctor even as she lay flat on her back, one arm over her eyes. 

Lexi narrowed her eyes at her while Jaal hovered anxiously nearby. The doctor activated the scanner on the bed and Ryder knew the drill. She had to keep still or the process would be repeated again and again. She dropped her arm down by her side.

“Lexi, she was groaning like she was in pain earlier. Did the Archon’s bio-transmitter do something to her? Is it attacking her from inside?”

“That’s impossible. The transmitter was neutralised the moment we got back to the Tempest,” SAM replied. 

Ryder sighed, she was tired, her eyes sagging shut. The panic attack had sapped all the remaining energy from her. “I just need to rest, I don’t need any medical intervention.”

The scanner was done. Strings of data and her full body scan was thrown up on the display, replacing the kett one from before. Ryder stared at it from her position. Her skeleton highlighted in blue, her muscles in white as red spots were highlighted across her back, chest and legs, the most prominently twin spots on her neck. She stiffened. Her pulse picked up, like a horse racing towards the finishing line. Her breath grew shallow and quick. The panic had never really gone away, it was merely hiding, waiting for the chance to snare her in its trap once more. 

There was a whimper, a whine of distress. Who was it? Ryder gasped, realising she was making the noise. Hands wrapped around her and she shuddered, it just woke the agony across her body. 

Lexi was instantly by her side. “Help her up,” she said.

Ryder was being moved, her eyes darted wildly, seeing but not any recognition. 

“Hold her but gently.”

The pressure against her back eased off. “Hold this, Ryder,” Lexi instructed as she handed her a small pack. 

Her hand took the pack mechanically. The instant Ryder touched it, the freezing cold wrenching her mind back to the present. “What?” she gasped as she stared at the ice pack in her hand. “Why?”

“That’s just to ground you. You were going into another memory flashback. I need you here, not in the past. There is nothing there for you. Stay here with us.”

“Please,” Jaal whispered into her ear. 

“Ok, ok. I’ll try,” Ryder whispered, eyes squeezing shut again. 

“No, no. Ryder open your eyes. Tell me what do you see around you? Where are you?”

“The med-bay. The Tempest.”

“That’s good, go on,” Lexi prompted. 

Back and forth they went for minutes until Ryder felt she was firmly back in the present. “Thank you,” she whispered, looking at Lexi and Jaal. 

Both of them each took one of her hands and it helped her. The physical touch, the skin to skin contact kept her from spiralling into her dark thoughts and fears. 

“I was afraid this might happen,” Lexi said. 

Ryder lifted her eyes. 

“Nightmares and panic attacks. What you have gone through isn’t normal. To willingly kill yourself to get out of the trap, as much as I’ll have to admit it was the only way out, it’s not a decision you made lightly. Yes, you came back. But mentally, your mind is stuck in that moment of life and death. It will take you some time to come to terms with it.”

Ryder shuddered and nodded. There was the ring of truth in Lexi’s words. Even now she could feel the cold claws of death around her heart. It wasn’t happy to be thwarted twice. 

“Can I go back to bed? I’m fine now.”

Lexi shook her head, rubbing her hands together she warmed before gently brushing it against her back. She winced, shrinking away from Lexi’s hands. Jaal’s grip on her shoulders tightened and Ryder gasped. The doctor frowned.

“Let’s get your shirt off so that I can examine you.”

“Do you want me to leave,” Jaal asked, his hands hovered close but was afraid to touch her now.

“Please stay,” she begged, reaching out towards him with her hand. “I’ll feel better if you do.”

Jaal held her hand and squeezed it. Despite the small smile on his face, worry was plain across his face. He took a step back, allowing her to pull her hoodie off. She grimaced and dropped the hoodie to the floor. They gasped at the sight before them. 

Deep red marks, big and small, bloomed across her chest, her back and most notably her neck. Her skin was marked.

Lexi gestured towards her sweat pants. Ryder slipped off the bed and dropped her pants. There she stood in just her bra and underwear, shivering in the cool air. “What is it?”

Jaal’s eyes welled up. “Ryder, I didn’t know. I’m sorry I hurt you earlier.”

“What is it?” Her voice a little louder, a little shriller. Her hand reaching towards him, seeking his. 

Lexi had her scanner out as Ryder stepped into Jaal’s careful embrace. He lifted her back onto the bed, her hand refused to let his go. Orange light bathed her bare skin as goosebumps ran in its wake. 

Lexi sighed as she looked at the new data. “It’s nothing to worry about. These are bruises. A combination of the stasis field, SAM’s resuscitation attempts and the neutralising of the Archon’s bio-transmitter has caused them.”

Ryder sat up looking at the marks all over her body. Her fingers gently brushing against her sore neck. The Archon’s face flashed back her eyes, his hands clamped around her neck. He squeezed and he squeezed. She could do nothing, she couldn’t fight, she couldn’t fight. She’ll die. She’ll die. 

“Ryder!” Jaal called. 

Her eyes snapped open again, her breathing evening out. “I’m ok, I’m ok.”

Lexi snapped on some latex gloves and probed the bruises one by one. Ryder winced and trapped her lip between her teeth. She had came so close to leading her friends into a trap. They could have died there, she did. Jaal tightened his grip on her hand, willing bio-electricity in soothing waves towards her. In the end, Lexi said, “The bruises will fade eventually but I’m a little worried about the ones around your neck. Do you have trouble swallowing?”

Ryder tried and winced. 

“Ok, I’m going to need you apply a cold compression to it so that the swelling can be reduced.”

“Why did the bruises not surface earlier?” Jaal asked. “She was fine when you examined her earlier.”

“We’re dealing with things we don’t understand,” Lexi pointed out. “Having an AI that can kill you isn’t exactly the norm.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I just want to put on some clothes. I’m fucking cold,” she complained. 

The doctor turned to gather her supplies, bandages and cold compresses and arrayed them before her. “I’m going to bandage your neck. Then Jaal, I’ll need you to make sure the cold compress is applied. I want the swelling around her neck to go down. The rest of the bruises I’m not worried about.”

“I can do it on my own,” she protested while Jaal nodded, taking note on what he needed to do. 

Lexi winded the bandages around her throat as she fought the vision of the Archon and his hands, shuddering all the way. “You won’t be able to do this on your own because I want you take a sedative, at least for tonight. It will help you sleep. It’s the best way to recover really.”

Ryder sighed. “What else?”

“A full check up on the Nexus.”

“Maybe you’ll tell me that licking Tann’s ass would cure me of all my problems,” she retorted. 

Lexi levelled her eyes on her, her hands securing the edges of the bandage onto itself. “If that’s what it took, I’ll recommend it.”

She muttered uncharitable words under her breath. 

“Here,” A couple of white pills were offered. 

Ryder took them and chased them down with a sip of water. Lexi laid a hand on her thigh. For a moment, the doctor’s facade broke and below it Ryder saw her friend. She was worried. And that made Ryder worry. 

“Do you think if I declare shore leave while we’re there would help?” she suggested, an olive branch offered for all the worry she put her friend through. 

Lexi nodded, squeezing her thigh a little. “Yes it would. You need the rest. Now, get out of the med-bay if you don’t want to spend the rest of the night here.”

Ryder pulled on her clothes with Jaal’s help. Movement was suddenly hard and sluggish. She took a step to head towards the door and stumbled. He was instantly there to hold her up, his attempts at being gentle at odds with his attempts to keep her from cracking her head open on the floor. 

Without a word, he scooped her up again. This time, Ryder tucked her head under his chin and snuggled against his chest. Lexi’s and Jaal’s voices grew far away as they exchanged some words before they left the med-bay. By the time she lay on her bed again, her eyelids were closed. 

Her eyes snapped open when she felt something cold against her neck. Jaal ran his fingers through her long brown hair. “Sleep, Sara,” he whispered, his breath against her ear. “I’ll take care of you.”

She relaxed once more. This time, she fell to sleep with her hands intertwined with his. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed!


	2. Broken Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shore leave sounds like just the thing Ryder needs after dying yet again. But once she has it, she realises she is bored. Volunteering her time to run any errands for Prodromos ended with her investigating a string of missing supplies. That leads to a cave and to more than she bargains for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Bad Things Happen Bingo Card - Lured into a trap. RPGWarrior4824
> 
> Tags are updated.

Ryder had passed all the medical tests with flying colours. Her sleep was getting a little better day by day. Though she had to rely on sleeping pills to get a full night’s rest, she hated how she woke up groggy and felt tired the entire day. But there was no escape bureaucracy and the the dreaded meetings now that she was on the Nexus.

The arrival of the salarian ark prompted the Director to jump into overdrive and micromanagement. Even Kandros was about to strangle him, let alone Addison and Kesh. Despite it had nothing to do with her, she was roped into all the meetings, returning to the Tempest more cranky and tired than before. 

The meetings served to give her mind another kind of nightmare to play with. Gone was the Archon’s face and his cold fingers around her neck, it was replaced by Tann’s droning voice and datapads upon datapads of figures, maps, and plans. Her body was trapped in meetings all day while her mind was suffering through the same all night. 

This morning, she dragged herself into the Galley, casting a baleful eye at the lack of hot water. She groaned, frustrated and angry. It was going to be that kind of day. The door hissed opened and Jaal was entering with a hot mug of tea and a piping hot croissant. She shut her eyes and just took in the scent. 

“Where did you get that?” she purred, forcing herself not to rip both drink and food out of his hands. 

“I purchased it from a cafe on the Nexus,” Jaal said, the smile he showered upon her was like the warm sun. 

“You are an angel!”

As she was licking up the last of the crumbs from her fingers, Lexi entered. “You’re officially on shore leave.”

“I know,” Ryder said, cocking her head. “I’ve declared shore leave four days ago.”

“And you have been stuck in meetings since Harry cleared you,” Jaal pointed out, Lexi nodded. 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, her good mood evaporating rapidly. “What do you want me to do? These meetings are important.”

“No, you’re are supposed to be on shore leave as well. I’ve spoken to Kesh. She’d back me up on this. You are now officially on medical leave. If that’s what it’d take to allow you to get some free time, that’s what I'll do.”

Less than an hour later, Ryder was on a shuttle with Jaal. Lexi was on the platform waving them off. “Quickly now. I don’t want Tann to come with guards to drag you back to another meeting.”

She chuckled, wrapping an arm around Jaal’s waist. “See you all in a week.”

* * *

Ryder sighed. She stared at the ceiling. It was plain and white. Rolling over to her side, she found Jaal snoring lightly, trapping one of her arms under his huge frame. That arm was rapidly going numb. 

Three days. She had lasted three days before she caved. 

Sure, sleeping in was fun. Sharing a small prefab cabin was fun. Being by themselves was fun. Sex was obviously pleasurable and fun. But she wanted to explore, to drive out in a Nomad and check out how Eos had changed since she activated the Vault. To request for use of the Nomad just cause she wanted to explore felt frivolous. 

So here she was on her shore leave, cooped up in Prodromos. Venturing out into the outpost made her feel like she was wasting time. Everyone else was busy except Jaal and herself. She could only do so many circuits of the outpost before she went crazy. 

“Jaal.”

“Yes, darling one?” His voice slurring, still sleep laden. 

“What do you say if we volunteer to take care of some of Mayor Bradley’s errands outside of the outpost?”

“That you should be resting,” he mumbled. 

“But I’m bored.”

Jaal sighed and his eyes opened, they were sparkling blue orbs that held the universe in them. She brushed her fingers against his face. He grinned. “Truth be told, me too.”

Ryder laughed. It didn’t take them long to get set up with a Nomad. They hadn’t left the Tempest without their armour and weapons so they were all good on that front.

“Here,” Jaal said as he snapped the buckles on her back shut, “let me help you.”

“Thanks.” The Carnifex snapped into her thigh holster like it was home. Her assault rifle and shotgun went onto the mag-holster on her back.

“So you remember you’re volunteering for this,” Bradley pointed out. 

“Yes, yes. I’m grateful just to have something to do.”

“All right, here is a list of my missing supplies and the date and time they were supposed to hit landfall on Eos.”

Ryder nodded, looking through the intel on her omni-tool. There were seeds, medical supplies, omni-gel to help print more things that were required around the outpost. All of them essential to frontier life. “How badly is the outpost doing without them?”

“Truth be told, we’re not doing so good without it. But we can hold out till the next supply shipment next month. Kandros said he will be sending an APEX team with it. But I want to know who has been stealing my stuff. The supplies weren’t just stolen, it’s like they vanished.”

She nodded. It’s something worth investigating and more importantly, she could stretch her legs and feel useful again. Sitting around just didn’t suit her. She slid into the driver’s seat. “Ready?”

Jaal flashed a grin at her. “Always.”

“All right, let’s hit the location for the latest supply drop.”

* * *

“The readings are the same, Pathfinder,” SAM said.

Ryder scrubbed her hand over her face. Eos’ weather might have improved but sweat was pouring off her face just minutes outside the weather controlled Nomad. She glanced at Jaal. He was examining the tracks. 

The supplies had definitely made landfall. Faint signs of the crates slamming into the ground was evident even to her naked eye. But then there was nothing else, except a curious lack of tracks. There was no sign of Eos fauna dragging the crates away. There was no sign of Outcasts intercepting the crates and making away with the supplies. There was no sign of anything. 

“Did it just vanish?” She asked in disbelief. 

“That’s theoretically possible,” SAM said. 

“What?”

“If you apply the multi-verse theory that human media has made popular,” SAM went on. 

“Is this a joke, SAM?”

“Yes, Pathfinder. How did I do?”

Ryder rolled her eyes and caught Jaal sniggering behind his hand. “Hmmm, SAM this isn’t the best time to be joking.”

“Understood Pathfinder, updating my humour algorithms.”

They piled into the Nomad and Ryder set the GPS to the last position on the list. The Nomad’s engine revved up and off they went. Jaal was sneaking glances at her. Ryder narrowed her eyes. “Don’t say it.”

“What did you think I was going to say, darling one?”

“The joke isn’t a good one. It’s not even a joke.”

“But it is funny, you took SAM seriously for a second there,” he pointed out, chuckling. 

Ryder shook her head and kept her eyes on the horizon. “What do you think? Same as all the others? The supplies just vanished?”

Jaal chuckled again. She shot him a look and he stifled it. “No, that would be foolish, like you rightly pointed out. The only way for it to have no signs is to have never been there at all. Something must have intercepted it mid-fall.”

“But how? Prodromos has equipment that monitors their air space.”

“That’s true but it doesn’t take into account cloaking devices does it?”

Ryder mused as her eyes darted between the GPS and the open expanses that’s Eos. “I’m not sure. That’s probably something to ask Vetra or Gil.”

He shrugged. “It’s something to do if we find nothing at the last site.”

The Nomad rolled to a stop at the last position. She hopped out easily and strode to the indicated site with her omni-tool deployed. Orange light swept out as she moved slowly, making sure to cover the area comprehensively. Something lit up. She blinked. Now that’s different. 

“What is that SAM?”

“Pathfinder, I’m detecting some trace minerals here. It’s some kind of track left behind by whoever had stole the supplies.”

Ryder walked tracking the trail. “What sort of trace minerals?”

Left and right, left and right, she swept her arm as she followed the trail. Jaal followed behind, his rifle in his arm, watching her six.

“Vanadium with a high concentration of Cadmium.”

The trail had ran cold. She stood with one hand on her hip “Now we’re getting somewhere.” 

“Pathfinder, in fact we had went nowhere, the trail has gone cold.”

She groaned, hand covering her face as Jaal chuckled beside her. “Don’t encourage this behaviour, Jaal. Please.”

“Bad time for a joke?” SAM asked.

“Yes, SAM. Yes.”

Ryder gestured towards the Nomad and Jaal nodded. They climbed into it. She allowed the climate control to cool her down a little as she drained her ration of water. “All right, hit me SAM. Where on Eos is this likely to lead?”

* * *

“All right, I’ve radioed in the information to Bradley,” Ryder said as she checked the utility pockets on her armour. She had a few clips of ammo for her guns. The omni-grenades were secured in another pocket. She was good to go. 

“Are we having a look see?” Jaal asked, his eyes gleaming and eager. 

“That is a reason why we’re here right?”

“What will I do without you?”

Ryder grinned, tugging him down for a kiss. “You will never find out. Come on.”

The cave was just like any other on Eos and Kadara. Brown, sandy and dark. The opening was wide, the ceiling high. Ryder’s boots crunched grit under foot. Each step seemed unbearably loud when she was trying to go for stealth. 

Inside, out of the Eos sun, Ryder shivered. It was cool, cooler than she thought it should be. The pit of her stomach sank with every inch she walked. There seemed no sign of disturbance, no sign that the cave was used as a base. Could this just be a coincidence?

She stopped. The cave seemed to have ended. It was a dead end. Sighing, she said, “Let’s head back.”

“Wait, I think there is an opening here,:” Jaal pointed out. 

Just like the wind had shifted directions, she could hear a whistling as air ran through the small opening hidden behind some rocks. “It’s going to be a tight fit for you,” she said. 

“Thankfully, I’ve not taken my lunch then,” he said, “Ladies, first.”

Ryder made it through easily enough. She was keeping an eye as Jaal was squeezing through. His armour scrapped and groaned as he inched his way through. Then silence. She glanced behind and their eyes met. 

“Stuck?”

“Stuck.”

“And this is why you had me come through first?”

“Seems like a prudent choice.”

“Ok, give me a second. This is fine work, unlike slamming an enemy into the wall,” she said as she pulled at her core. The energy built, pooling at first from her head, travelling down into her gut and eventually all over. Her skin was buzzing with biotics as she sent it in tiny amounts into the crack in the face of the rock. Bit by bit, she chipped away at the rocks, craving a larger opening. Jaal groaned as he got through the other side. 

“Maybe I need to stop enjoy those tasty croissants on the Nexus,” he mused. 

Ryder patted his arm. “You’re fine just the way you are.”

They walked on, deeper and deeper they went. Nothing looked out of place, this was just a cave, there was nothing to see. She had wasted all their time.

“SAM, can you let me know if the minerals matched the ones found at the last site?”

Silence. There was not even a crackling to indicate the comms was live and the connection was just shitty. Nothing. Just like at all the other sites, just like this cave. 

“Jaal,” she called, panic rising in her voice, her grip tightening on her rifle. “We’ve lost SAM.”

Before he could react, alarms started to blare overhead. “Intruders!”

“Fuck,” Ryder lifted her rifle as kett flooded into the space. “It’s a trap.”

* * *

Without SAM, it didn’t take long for them to be turned around, what with trying to keep ahead of the troops on their tail and finding cover to take pot shots at them. Their ammo were quickly exhausted. Ryder had given Jaal what remained of hers and she relied on her biotics to give them cover as they ran. 

Eventually natural cave structure gave way to the dark walls of kett construction. This was a base. 

“What the fuck is a kett base doing on Eos?” she demanded. 

“More running, less talking,” Jaal growled, limping along. He was leaving a trail of blue blood as he ran. 

She wrenched the nearest door, past caring where they were running to. One hand yanking Jaal along, the other hand jerked in a forceful move. The door groaned as it shifted back into place. She cleared the room while she motioned Jaal to cover her. It was largely empty but beyond there was another door. This one had a red holo-lock against it. 

“Sit,” she commanded, pulling her medi-gel and quickly administering it to Jaal. 

“You should have saved it for yourself.”

“No, you’re hurt now. There is no point thinking about the future when the present is going to hell,” she said, examining Jaal’s wound. 

She had been slow with her shields. And Jaal had paid for it. Teeth bit down on her lip as she bound the wound as best as she could. Thankfully it wasn’t deep. She felt a hand on her shoulder, even through the layers of armour and ceramic plates, she could feel his bio-electricity, the comfort he was trying to give her. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I’ve led us into a trap.”

“And you’ll lead us out of here,” he said. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

The words just bounced off her hardened shell of guilt. But she straightened. They were still in danger. They couldn’t be hanging around. Beyond the door they entered, she could hear the kett. That left them one direction to go. 

“Can you stand?”

Jaal gamely stood, putting as little weight as he could on the bad leg. Ryder wrapped her arm around his waist. “Lean on me.”

They walked on like they were taking part in a bizarre three legged race. He quickly hacked the door open. The red holo-lock flickered and died. She flicked a hand and pried the door open slowly. At first it was remained stiff and still, unyielding to her biotics but eventually it buckled and slid open. 

“What the fuck?” she gasped. 

Beyond were cages, all of them filled with people. All of them wearing some form of uniform bearing the Initiative’s mark. “The kett had been kidnapping our people.”

“Help us!” one of them hissed. “They are going to ship us off world. Get us out of here!”

_How long has this been going on? How many have the kett taken?_

Guilt tasted bitter on her tongue. She had failed Jaal, she had failed the colonists. They depended on her to keep them safe and look what happened? Her jaw tightened as her pulse pounded in her ears. 

  
“Can you hack those cages open?”

Jaal nodded tightly. His eyes shining with the same anger. He of all of people would understand. His people had been the subject of kett capture for decades, taken for experimentation, for exaltation and everything in between. There was no way she would leave them here. Death was better than this. 

Jaal worked quickly as Ryder helped the ones too wounded to move out of the cages. He limped among them spreading out the medi-gel to as many as they could. Pretty soon, they were out of it. And still it wasn’t enough. She looked at the six other lives that now counted on her to get them out. 

“All right, let’s go. I’m going to get you out of here.”

One of them a salarian, looking a pale sickly grey clamped his hand around her wrist. “Leave me. I’m too hurt to move. I’m just grateful to not die inside the cage.”

“But-“

The salarian waved his hand at her. “You know it, I know it.” He doubled over and coughed, sounding too wet to be healthy. “I’m dying.”

Ryder sighed and nodded tightly. 

“A parting gift from me,” he said. “I’ve seen the kett transport us on those vehicles there. And they always go through those doors. I’m pretty sure there are shuttles beyond.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, squeezing the salarian’s shoulder. As she straightened again. “Are you sure? We can carry you.”

He shook his head. “I’m tired. Let me buy you some time.”

Ryder drew her pistol. It was the only thing that had any ammo left and handed it to him. “Don’t let them take you.”

Their eyes met. One pair pain glazed, the other pair exhausted. “I won’t.”

* * *

Ryder worked quickly to load one of the cages onto the back a transporter. “Jaal, can you rig it up so that the cage seems to be active but it’s actually not?”

He snorted. “In my sleep.”

She grinned, confidence creeping back into her voice. “Good, do it.”

Turning to the rest, she said, “I’ll need you to get into the cage-“

“No! I’d rather die,” one howled. 

“It will only appear to be locked. The plan is to go through those doors there. And ram as many kett as are in the way. Grab one of their shuttles and get us the fuck out of here,” she growled, looking at the remaining five of them in the eye. 

One by one they nodded. Hope was a tricky thing. It’s intangible, it’s nebulous. It communicated in form of words, of images, it was roused with speeches and hands beating against chests. But Ryder didn’t have any of it, but a will to see this through come hell or high water. The survivors saw it in her eyes. Her brown eyes shone with a fierce determination.

“All right, grab whatever weapons you can find here. We’re hitching the first ride out,” she growled. 

She sat in the driver’s seat, her hands clenched and unclenched. Jaal pressed his palm over her fist. “You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this.” 

As Jaal withdrew his hand, she seized it like it was the last time they’ll touch. “Promise me,” she hissed. 

“Anything, darling one.”

She lifted her eyes to meet his. “Promise me if I am captured, you’ll kill me.”

Jaal flinched and tugged his hand away but she kept a tight grip on it. 

“Promise me,” she repeated. 

Eventually he nodded, his eyes welling up in tears. “Likewise for myself.”

Ryder nodded. Her gaze grim but resolute.

* * *

The battle started before the kett knew what was going on. The transporter smashed through anything and everyone that was in the way. The kett waved their arms at her, asking her to slow down, not realising it wasn’t one of theirs at the steering wheel. Ryder’s only answer was to floor the accelerator. The kett were mowed over, the transporter crunching armour and carapace alike. Screams of panic from the kett and howls of triumphant from the survivors rocked the air. But eventually the ride had to end. Bullets pinged against the broad side of the transport. It only took one lucky shot to set the engine block ablaze.

“All right, joy ride over. Time to skip town,” she shouted. 

The survivors armed with kett weapons, quickly jumped off the transporter before it crashed. Jaal with his rifle and Ryder with her biotics covered the survivors’ mad dash towards the nearest shuttle. 

She pulled at her core and Charged, streaking across the space. Smashing into the line of kett like a one woman battering ram. Fury and anger made her move faster, swifter. Nothing could touch her. She was an angel of vengeance. His sniper rifle boomed at regular intervals behind her, taking down any kett that tried to flank her. She knew as long as she heard echo of his rifle, she’d be safe.

“Hack that shuttle!” she shouted. 

“On it,” Jaal pressed himself against the side of the shuttle. His hands running over his omni-tool in a blur. 

Something black and small was launched towards the survivors. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath. It was a grenade. The shuttle was still stubbornly locked. Jaal and the survivors had no cover.

Ryder stretched her hand out, heedless she was standing in the thick of the action. Her biotics flashed out in a lasso aimed at pulling the grenade back. The survivors were scattered seeking cover but Jaal was still hacking the shuttle. His brow furrowed in concentration. 

“Jaal!”

Their eyes met. Hers held desperation, his resignation.

“No!”

Her amp burnt, her head pounded. Her biotics snared the grenade but it was too little too late. It exploded. Shrapnel stubbed the side of the shuttle and into Jaal’s side. He was flung against the shuttle and crumpled into a heap on the ground. 

_He isn’t moving. He isn’t moving!_

Fear gripped her heart even as the shuttle door cycled opened. Jaal did his duty at the cost of his life, unlike the failure that she was. She wasn’t going to fail him. The survivors were dashing into the shuttle. “Take him,” she shouted. 

The shuttle’s engine whirled to life. One of the survivors clearly knew what they were doing. Now all she had to do was to get herself to the shuttle and they could get Jaal medical attention. She wrenched her eyes away from the blue patch against the shuttle. _He’s alive, he has got to be alive._

Then her world flashed white. Pain erupted across her back, it was like an eiroch had charged into her. Air was pounded out of her lungs as she fell heavily. She groaned and forced herself to stand. 

_I have to get on the shuttle._

Her limbs felt like jelly, too shaky to hold her weight. Again and again her hands slipped against something wet, something red. Head crashing back against the hard floor. Her vision wavered in and out. A cry ripped out of her throat as she fought to stood, agony like fire burning up one leg and across her back. 

The shuttle was still there, waiting. Jaal was waiting for her. 

Kett voices cackled and jeered her pitiful efforts. Just as she stood, she felt a solid blow against the back of her head. Down she went again. Helmet bounced against the floor, her visor shattered. Lines like spiderweb ran over it. 

A familiar blue figure appeared at the rear ramp of the shuttle, the familiar rifle boomed. His face twisted into a grimace with each shot. 

“Ryder!”

She crawled, hand over hand, tasting iron on her tongue. _I’m not going to make._ The thought echoed in her head even as she dragged herself onwards. 

Bullets pinged against the shuttle. One survivor cried as he went down in the shuttle, howling in pain. Ryder gritted her teeth. She had to do something. She was the Pathfinder. Jaal grunted as a bullet grazed him, still firing upon the kett behind her. Her mind was made up in that instant. 

“Go!” she shouted. 

Jaal’s eyes found her. She lay on the ground in a pool of her own blood, the shuttle’s engine revved up as it started to move. 

“No! Ryder! You can’t do this to me!” He got out of cover, standing boldly in the middle of the open rear ramp of the shuttle. 

_Jaal, please..._

Another hail of bullets and he persisted on standing in the open. Ryder gritted her teeth. Her legs trembled, fighting to keep her upright; her skin raw as blood trickled from between the cracks in her armour; her head pounded, but she couldn’t let him throw his life away like this. 

“Go!”

With a quick jerk of her hands, she sent her biotics out in a wave, bowling over the kett in quick order. The gunfire against the shuttle stopped but something smashed against her ribs like a punch and her legs buckled. Knees slammed against concrete as twin pain shot up her legs. One hand pressed against her ribs to come away all red and bloody. 

“Go!” 

She found the strength to stand again. Biotics in waves she had never called upon infused her body like electricity was being plugged directly into brain.

“No! Please!”

Jaal stretched his hand out towards her. His mouth opened and closed over and over. But she couldn’t hear anything over the whine in her ears, but she knew he was calling for her over and over again. 

“Go!” 

She released her hold on the kett. The shuttle was gaining speed and the way ahead was clear for take off. Jaal was safe and the survivors would make it. Her work was done. Tears streamed down her face. 

“Finish it, Jaal,” she shouted. “Please.”

His face contorted into one of sheer pain and torment. He lifted his rifle and aimed it at her. Ryder had never expect a day for this to come, her wishing for a bullet to take her life. But to be captured by the kett was a fate worse than death. But the shot never came. Jaal’s face was the last thing she saw as the ramp sealed shut. The shuttle took away her only hope of escape from the kett base and unspeakable horror. 

“You promised,” she whispered. “You promised.”

Another blow, this time to the back of her head, shoved her headlong into oblivion.

* * *

Ryder straddled between the edge of awareness and unconsciousness. Voices swirled around her. 

“Show me her face,” a familiar voice grated against her ears. 

She groaned as someone violently tugged at her hair, lifting her face from the cold concrete floor. 

“She’s hurt, leave her alone,” a nasal voice cried. 

Rough laughter echoed. The hand released her hair and her head thumped unceremoniously against the floor. Her vision too blurry to make anything out. The darkness too inviting, its siren call sang to her. Ryder surrendered. 

“Bring her to me.”

“Yes, Archon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed!


	3. Breaking a Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryder is captured, trapped on a ship full of hostiles, in the clutches of the Archon. Jaal is doing his best to find her. The crew rallies behind him. 
> 
> The race is on and time is running short. Ryder pays the price of a broken promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt fiil for vivisection - Aban-Assara
> 
> Tags and ratings updated. I'm warning again, this doesn't have a good ending. Now that's out of the way, here's to the conclusion to the cliffhanger yesterday. Also I didn't have much time to proof read it if I wanted to post today so there are probably a lot fo typos and stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“She is alive!” Jaal growled, slamming his fist against the table. Pain lanced up his arm but he showed none of it. 

Liam jumped while Lexi glared at him. “I’ve just spent the better part of a day patching you up. Do not undo my work.”

He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “She is alive,” he whispered, his fist trembling as he clench it harder. 

Cora stood, turning to SAM. “Is Ryder still alive? Has the Pathfinder mandate been transferred to me?”

“I detected the Pathfinder’s life signals, weak as they are when a secondary shuttle escaped Eos’ gravity well.”

“Weak because she is hurt or weak because you're unable to get a certain reading because of their cloaking?”

“Both.”

Jaal was exhausted and sore, it was only by sheer will he was standing here with the others. Lexi had been shooting him disapproving looks, but he didn’t care. As much as his body hurt but it didn’t compare to the pain in his chest. The formless agony that was constant and unyielding. It wouldn’t be soothed by medi-gel. There was no relief beyond sleep, but he balked at resting while Ryder was in the hands of the kett. 

“What are we going to do?” he growled, eyes still shut, seeing the horrors Ryder would be subjected. “We need to go after her.”

“I know every minute counts,” Cora said, “but we need to know where to go.”

She scrubbed her face with her hands. Her keen eyes subdued and tired. “SAM, do you have anything for me? Please, just give me something.”

“I have the path of the shuttle took based on the Pathfinder’s life signs.” A blue dot arced across the map, a dotted line tracing its flight path. It exited Eos’ atmosphere and disappeared not far away from the planet. 

“That’s nothing,” Jaal opened his eyes, levelling them at each of the crew. All of them stared back with fear hidden to varying success in their eyes. 

“We have nothing.”

* * *

Awareness returned in waves. 

Hearing first, beeps and murmuring tickled at the edge of her consciousness. She groaned, fighting to return to the peace of the darkness. 

Smell next. Something acrid stung her nostrils. The scent was overpowering and decidedly medical. 

Taste after. Her tongue was so dry, it was like having a piece of old leather stuck inside her mouth. She swallowed and found she couldn't even summon saliva. 

Touch came. Air danced across her skin. She shivered as goosebumps formed in its wake. Whatever she was lying on, it was hard and unyielding. 

Sight was last. Gunk had near glued her eyes shut. She blinked to clear them. And she regretted it. 

Ryder was expected the white ceiling of the Tempest’s med-bay, the colder than usual air Lexi kept the place in. She had hoped to see the asari doctor hovering at the edge of her vision, muttering curses at the Ryder stubbornness under her breath. The beeps belonged to monitors that surrounded her. These were no different from the med-bay’s but instead of somewhere familiar, a friendly face to wake up to, she found herself face to face with the Archon. 

Ryder flinched, her breath caught in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to wake up from this nightmare. This couldn’t possibly be true. She must have died. This had got to be hell. 

“I see you’re awake,” the Archon purred. He approached, his footsteps echoed through the chamber. “Do you remember what happened?”

Ryder growled and fought to get up. But her limbs refused to obey, they were secured tightly against the bed. Restraints bit into her wrists and ankles. She lifted her neck as far as it would go. Gone were her armour, her compression undersuit and even her sports bra and underwear. She was completely and utterly stark naked. 

“Fucker, my team will get me,” she snarled. _SAM, can you hear me?_

Wild eyes surveyed her environment. It was familiar in a way she couldn’t pinpoint. The Archon smiled, a tug of green skin over his ugly mug. “I see you recognise where we are,” he said, stretched his hand out to encompass the space. “We’re on my flagship. The same one you have escaped so handily the last time.”

He bent over, his fingers wrapped around her neck. This time he was gentle but the touch just made Ryder gagged. She shrank away only to be kept in place by the slight pressure he put on her neck. Tears welled up in her eyes. 

_No, I will not cry. SAM! SAM! Answer me please!_

“Such a fragile body,” he mused, releasing her neck. His hand trailed down to her collarbone, between her breasts. She shuddered, holding herself as stiff as a board. Down and down it went past her belly bottom to the apex of her thighs. 

“Take your fucking hands off me!” Spittle flew but it splattered back against her face. She twisted to get his hand off. 

He made it a point to keep his hand there just to prove he could, drawing circles through her pubic hair. An action so revolting, Ryder jerked against her restraints, heedless it was rubbing her skin raw. 

“Such a strange creature, with these useless dead cells growing everywhere,” he mused clinically. 

“Sorry I didn’t shave for you.”

The Archon shook his head. “Such snark, such pride. You have forfeited your life the moment you entered my little base of operations on Eos. You know that don’t you? You’re all alone here, Pathfinder. And here you will end.”

_SAM, SAM, where are you? Please answer me._

Fear tasted bitter on her tongue. She wanted to cry and throw a fit, but she refused to give the Archon the satisfaction. She never felt more vulnerable, but she wasn’t toothless was she? She had her biotics. The anticipation to make the Archon eat his words was a fierce hope igniting in her chest. 

“I will not end here, it is you who would die,” she screamed, her voice breaking at the end, betraying her fear. Heat flushed against her face as she glared at the Archon. 

He snorted and shook his head. She bit her lip, she needed him to get closer if she wanted to take him by surprise. 

_Patience, be patient. Then you have slam your fist into his teeth._

“I hope you have rested well from your journey. I ought to be grateful you didn’t die from your wounds.”

Ryder kept quiet. Eyes tracking the Archon as he circled her like a shark. He made a curt gesture and another kett loomed into view. Someone was roughly shoved against the bed she was secured to. 

“I will not do it,” the salarian said. His voice calm despite the circumstances. 

Ryder frowned. He was the salarian that had resigned himself to death on the base. “Looks like you survived.”

“I did, Pathfinder,” the salarian nodded ruefully. 

He straightened easily. No longer was he hovering on death’s door. Apparently the kett had healed him as well. He unlike her was fully clothed. Ryder couldn’t help but attempt to cover herself only to be thwarted by the restraints. 

“You will do it, or you will die.”

“Then I will die,” the salarian replied easily without hesitation. 

_Do what?_

There was a boom, and before Ryder could flinch, green blood was splattered across her face and body. The salarian she was speaking to just an instant before was dead. The space where his head occupied was empty. His body wavered not realising it was dead. Then it slumped over her, slack arms splayed out lifelessly. 

Ryder screamed. 

* * *

Jaal stared at the holo-map for hours. It had been more than 24 hours since Ryder’s capture. 

_I should have pulled the trigger. Why didn’t I shoot? I was too weak, I was selfish. I’ve consigned her to a fate worse than death._

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, trying to force the thoughts from his mind. 

_No, no. I can’t think that way. As long as she is alive, there is hope. We can get her back. We have to._

But flashes of an exalted Ryder slammed into his mind’s eyes. His hands clenched, his knuckle whitened as he punched the wall. His breath shallow, sharp and altogether too quick as he pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. 

“Do you require help?” SAM asked, “Are you in distress? I detect an elevated heart rate.”

“No,” he growled as he opened his eyes. He had gone into Ryder’s room like he always did to unwind. It had slipped his mind that she wouldn’t be there. Of course she wouldn’t be. 

She was gone. 

He couldn’t bear himself to step into the room to see the semi-mess they had left it in. The blankets weren’t folded, clothes were left out. A stack of data-pads on her desk lay waiting for her return. The scent of orange peel lingered in the air, it was the smell of her shampoo. Tears poured unashamedly down his face as he sobbed. 

All their planning, all their talking had come to nought. Even with an AI like SAM, they were helpless. 

“I should have did as I promised. Then, she will be spared this horror,” he whispered and instantly hating himself for it. 

* * *

She blinked. Her head pounded to the steady beat of her pulse. She was still secured to the bed but clean now. The body was removed. Who had cleaned her when she was out. 

_They touched me, they fucking touched me._

Gasps of breaths, whimpers of fear escaped her lips. She took breath after shuddering breath to calm herself. 

_Think, think, think. This is your chance to get free._

The Archon was gone and she was alone. Ryder pulled at her core. Fingers groping for the familiar surge of power, for the buzzing under her skin, for the blue flames with made her half a goddess among average humans. 

There was nothing. 

“What the fuck did they do to me?” 

Again and again, she dug for her biotics. But she came slamming into a solid wall each time. It was like it never existed in the first place. Then she noticed an IV line that was attached to her left arm. Her eyes traced it, up and up it went. The angle it hung over her head, made it hard to get a clear look. But she could make out the words. 

“Biotic inhibitor” was printed prominently on the bag. 

“No, no, no,” she whimpered, pulling at the restrains again. She didn’t care if her skin were raw and bloody. She wanted out, she wanted to wake up next to Jaal and realised this was a nightmare. 

This couldn’t be reality. This couldn’t be true. 

“I don’t want to die here, I don’t want to die like this.” Her lower lips trembled and no amount of biting into it would keep it still. The lump in her throat threatened to choke her. 

She craned her neck from side to side. It was then she realised she wasn’t alone. Everyone else was as naked as she was. Every species that lived in Andromeda were present. It didn’t matter if they were salarian, turian, asari, humans, krogans or angaras. They all lying on tables. 

Her heart sank. 

She wasn’t lying on a bed like she believed. It was a table, an operating table, equipped with its own drain. The others were still, deathly so. All of them many had parts of their bodies removed. Limbs, organs, bone, it didn’t matter. 

There was nothing that the kett didn’t defile. 

Her heart pounded against her chest. True knowledge of her predicament slammed into her like a truck. She was lying alone in a morgue. And she’d soon join the others. 

_Jaal, why didn’t you keep your promise? SAM, please just kill me now. I don’t want that to happen. Please kill me._

Tears streamed from her eyes as she shivered against the cold, unable to do anything but to lie helplessly on a metal slab, waiting for her inevitable fate. 

* * *

“Jaal!” Cora entered, immediately bumping into him. 

He had taken to sitting on the floor, stuck in the small space, refusing to disturb the preserved state of the room. 

“What are you doing on the floor? Do you need Lexi? Are you in pain?”

The asari commando instantly pulled him to his feet and helped him to a nearby chair. But he locked his knees and they jerked to a halt. “No, I’m fine.”

Cora stopped and stared at him, taking in his wet face and wetter rofjinn. She took a deep breath. “We found her.”

His eyes snapped to hers. Hope, dangerous hope, igniting in his chest. “Tell me.”

* * *

“Where are you taking me?”

“Just walk,” an unmistakably kett voice growled. 

“Please, please I’d do anything just let me go, please!” the voice pleaded. 

Ryder locked her jaw and craned her neck to look. A male human with hands cuffed in front of him was walking towards her. His kett guard, looking menacing and a little bored, herded him along. 

“Ahh yes, I see you're awake. I hope you enjoyed your rest.”

She flinched. The Archon was standing next to her. _Where the fuck did he came from?_ Her lips curled as she snarled at him wordlessly. Mirth danced in the Archon’s eyes. 

The human male was shoved right against her table. His guard took two steps backwards but kept his rifle trained against the man’s back. The man’s eyes were wild as he looked at her, the naked woman chained to a table, and at the Archon. 

“Are you a doctor?” the Archon asked. 

“Yes,” the man stammered. 

“Perfect,” the Archon circled around the table his claw scrapped against the edge of the table. The sound grated against her ear. “I want to find out what makes the Pathfinder tick.”

The man blinked. “This is the Pathfinder?”

Ryder took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Damn, damn, damn. I don’t want to die. I didn’t come all the way to Andromeda to die,” he started crying. 

Ryder wanted very much to join him, blinking away her own tears. 

His guard stepped up to him and slammed the butt of his rifle against his back. He stumbled and put his hands against her bare skin to break his fall. Ryder cringed away. The contact unwanted, the touch foreign and violating. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I...”

Ryder shoved her own revulsion aside and shook her head. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Hang in there, man. My team will come and get us.”

His eyes brightened. And she immediately regretted her words despite knowing how much he needed it. 

The Archon jerked his arm, a claw slicing through the air, shutting them up. “You’re a doctor. You can open her up and tell what the parts are. And you can tell me how a mere human is able to interface with the Remnant. It cannot just be the computer chip in her head that’s doing the work. There must be something biological that marks her as the chosen one.”

Ryder’s breath hitched, her jaw clenched as she fought her urge to struggle against her restraints. _I don’t want to die like this. Jaal, why didn’t you shoot?_

“No! What you are asking me to do?” He shook his head violently, backing away only to be shoved back against the table by his guard. 

“If you don’t do it, I’ll kill you. I’ve more where you came from. Sooner or later I’ll find one of you who is willing to do it,” the Archon pointed out, “I’ve already killed one. Ask your Pathfinder she knows.”

She grimaced, averting her eyes. The man whimpered and shook. She could feel the vibrations against the table. 

“I… what you are asking for is torture.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“But…” His eyes darted between her and the Archon, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly. His breath hitched as snot trickled down his nose. He wiped it off hastily with the back of his hand. 

The Archon jerked his head at the guard. The man flinched, whimpering as the barrel of a rifle pressed against the back of his head. The man looked at her. “I don’t want to die.”

_I cannot have another person’s blood on my hands, not if I can do something about it._

Ryder tightened her jaw, refusing to let him see how scared she was, how badly she wanted to cry as well. She reached out with her fingers as much as the restraints allowed. He laced his fingers through hers. In that moment, she feared her control would snap and she’ll wail for her mother. 

_I don’t want to die either._

“What’s your name?” 

“Kevin Gideon,” he stammered, his fingers still tight around hers. “My name is Kevin Gideon.”

“All right, Kevin just stay calm. Everything is going to be fine,” she said, her voice quivering. “Just… just do what he wants. I don’t want you to die either.”

“But-“

The kett guard smashed the butt of the rifle against Kevin’s back again. He yelped and cowered with his hands wrapped around his head.

“Such generosity, Pathfinder,” The Archon laughed. “I hope you don’t regret it.”

Ryder glared at him as she willed herself not to cry. 

* * *

“Can't we go any faster?” Jaal asked, his hand pressing against Kallo’s chair. 

The pilot shot him a look. “I’ll appreciate less backseat piloting.”

“Come on, Jaal, give the man some space to work,” Cora tugged at his arm and leading him away. 

He couldn’t stand still, he was too keyed up for that. Left and right, he paced. “It’s been more than 48 hours.” 

“We will get her back,” Cora’s voice steady and sure. 

Jaal couldn’t understand where she was getting her confidence from, because his were in tatters. _How long does it take to exalt a human? What if he meant a more horrible fate for her? Is she better off dead? I should have kept my promise. Ancestors, I was so selfish._

Cora came to him with the answer hours ago. She explained how they managed to track Ryder, but the details went over his head. He didn’t care, he just wanted to get her back, to bring her home. 

“Coming out of FTL in three” 

Jaal held his breath. 

“Two…”

Cora’s hand gripped his shoulder. He could feel the pressure through his leathers. 

“One…”

A giant dark green shape loomed into view. It dwarfed the Tempest many times over. Textured leathery exterior, it looked more like organic than machine. The sight made Jaal shuddered, anger and fear warring inside him. The last time Ryder was on that ship, she died. 

_Not this time, I will get you out of there, I swear._

“Going dark,” Kallo said. The Tempest’s lights dimmed and it glided close. 

“Any patrols?” Cora asked.

“None that I can detect,” Kallo replied, his fingers dancing across his controls. 

“He is confident. He has won, he has the Pathfinder after all,” Drack pointed out. 

“Not for long,” Jaal growled. 

Drack grabbed his shoulders. “Get your head screwed straight. The kid needs you on your A game.”

Jaal nodded, his hands flexing as he wrapped his fingers around his rifle. He was here despite Lexi’s misgivings. But she understood, they all did, why he needed to be on the team.

“We will bring the kid home. Then, we’ll cut the Archon’s head off and shove it so far up his ass he will never get it out.”

Jaal grinned, barring his teeth all wild and feral. Cora joined them, “We will. Suit up, people.”

_I won’t fail Ryder this time. This is a promise I’ll keep._

* * *

“This is just a paralytic,” Kevin pointed out. “We need a general anaesthetic as well.”

“No, all you need is for her to keep still,” the Archon growled. “I want as little variables as possible. Isn’t this your scientific method?”

“She will still be able to feel pain. A paralytic doesn’t have pain relief,” Kevin cried. “This is torture.”

The Archon sighed, eyes squeezed close. The guard jammed his rifle into Kevin’s ribs. The man fell to his knees and groaned. There was nothing Ryder could do other than lie on her back and listen to Kevin defending her as best as he could. They had replaced the packet of Biotic Inhibitor when the last one was empty. She had no hope of getting free on her own. 

_The others will come. They will. All I need to do is to hold out._

Kevin was propped back onto his feet. “Are you willing to die over this?” the Archon asked. 

He shook his head and sobbed. “But, this is wrong...”

“Stop it!” Ryder shouted, her voice breaking but she forged on. “Kevin, it’s fine. Just do it, all right. Just do it. It’s ok.”

“But-“

“Just do it,” she growled, eyes boring into his, willing him to see how close she was to falling apart herself. She could only be brave for but so long. 

Kevin’s blue eyes held her gaze for a moment. And he nodded. 

From there, things went quickly. Supplies and equipment were brought out as the Archon watched. Ryder bit her lip and trembled, unable to maintain the facade any longer. 

_SAM, if you’re there. Please just turn off my pain receptors. Or burn out the biotic inhibitors. Do something._

Silence was all she had in reply. 

Kevin touched her arm and she flinched. This time, it was his turn to offer her a smile, it was a grim one at best. He turned to the Archon, “I will have to ventilate her.”

His eyes narrowed. 

“The drug will paralyse her lungs. She won’t be able to breathe on her own.”

“Administer the drug, I’ll be the judge of it.”

Ryder stiffened. Kevin squeezed her arm and started another IV on her other arm. Then they waited. She took short, quick breaths as she watched Kevin made sure the leads that covered her body were affixed properly. The monitors beeped along faster and faster, betraying her fear. He held a tube and a large metal blade as he watched the monitors anxiously. 

Her thoughts whirled. 

_What are those for?_ She tugged at the restraints futilely. _Maybe SAM is doing something. I can still move._ Her heart raced quicker and quicker, threatening to smash her ribs to pieces. _Is it harder to breathe?_

Then between the space of one breath and the next, she realised she just couldn’t breathe She gasped and tried to struggle but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t even blink. Fear gripped her heart and squeezed. 

_I can’t breathe!_

“I need to intubate now.” 

_Please, I can’t breathe! I can’t!_

The Archon ignored Kevin and loomed over her. His face was just inches away from hers. His foul breath warm against on her skin. One clawed hand came up and cupped her face. Ryder screamed inwardly. She could do nothing but endure. 

_I just want to breathe. I don’t want to die. I don’t!_

“She'll suffocate if I don’t intubate now!” Kevin cried. 

The Archon straightened. “Do it.”

Kevin moved quickly. He tilted her head backwards and her view shifted to the ceiling, brights lights seared her eyes and she couldn’t close them. The blade slid into her mouth. She could feel the metal rattling against her teeth. The tube slid down her throat. It scrapped against the inside of her throat, burning all the way as it went down. A tube was quickly connected to another and sweet sweet air flooded her lungs. 

_Thank you, thank you._

Ryder was so happy she could weep. She wasn’t choking any longer. She was breathing again. Kevin tilted her head back into a more comfortable position and secured the tube against the side of her face. She could see every bead of sweat across his brow, on his lip. He stiffened when he found her eyes on him. He held for gaze for only a split second before turning his attention to the monitors. 

“Vitals stabilising,” he announced as he moved to close her eye lids. 

“What are you doing?” The Archon questioned. 

“Making sure she doesn't suffer cornea damage.”

He laughed. “You are amusing little man. Why do you think the Pathfinder is getting out of here alive?”

_The others will come. They will come… They must._

“Shall we begin, Kevin?” The Archon sneered. 

* * *

Kevin alternated between applying eye drops into her painful eyes and cutting into her flesh. If it didn't hurt so much, she’ll think it ironic. He cared so much for the damage to her eyes even as he was slicing into her flesh. 

The scalpel bit into her skin and a line of fire broke out across her skin. It started from her shoulder joint arcing down to the middle of her chest, skirting around her breasts. Blood welled up and trickled down her body. Then a straight incision that ran from the middle point down to her mons. 

The pain was unbearable but she wasn’t given the relief to scream and cry. She couldn’t turn away from the instrument of her torture. All she could do was look at the reflective surface above her head and watch herself being ripped opened. 

“What is this yellow liquid leaking from her?” The Archon asked. 

Kevin drifted out of view and he growled. “That’s her urine. You-“

“Interesting, humans are not able to control their bladders under these condition.”

“She is in pain, but she can feel and hear everything. You’re a monster you know that?”

The Archon chuckled. “And you are my torturer are you not?”

Kevin didn’t reply, he shifted back into her view, tears streaming down his face as he squeezed more eyes drops into her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Now, pull the skin back, I want to see it all.”

By the time they were firing up the bone saw, Ryder was begging for death. Stuck inside her mind, she had no escape. 

_SAM! Jaal! Anyone! Please just let this end, please!_

She couldn’t tell where she started and the agony ended. It was all there was. Just pain, an unending wave that threatened to drown her. It was an ocean’s worth of blood and suffering. 

White bone fragments flew, blood splattered against the Archon and he just flicked them away casually. Time ceased to have meaning, her ears could hear but she wasn’t listening. Her eyes saw but she wasn’t looking. All she could do was take it all in and endure. 

But even the Pathfinder was human, she had limited, very ordinary ones. 

_This is it. This is how I’ll go. On a fucking metal slab, cut into tiny little pieces, gutted like a lab rat._

The Archon fondled her intestines like it was a plaything. Wonder filled his face as his claws caressed her heart. The machines screaming was the only indication she felt anything. He poked at her lungs and she wished he had punctured it. Somehow through it all Kevin kept her alive, the blood loss countered by transfusion. 

She screamed and howled soundlessly for hours.

“The Pathfinder is human, everything is perfectly average,” Kevin cried. He had ran out of tears, he stood numbly over her, scalpel in hand. “I don’t know what are you looking for.”

“Well there is one spot we haven’t look at have we?” the Archon purred, his eyes holding her own pain glazed ones. 

Even her screams in her head had subsided, leaving nothing but echoes. She was on fire. Everything tingled and far away in a manner she knew when something had hurt too badly. 

_Take me away from this place. Mom, Dad where are you? Don’t leave me alone._

Even as she tried to retreat into her mind, every touch brought her roaring back to reality. Her reflection showed her the ruined shell she now inhibited. 

“And where is that?” Kevin asked reflexively. 

The Archon approached and ran a hand through her hair. The touch was almost loving if the arm wasn’t attached to the single person she most hated ever. 

“Why, her head of course.”

Kevin blanched and his eyes sought hers, as if looking for permission, for reassurances. She was beyond those things. He was on his own. 

_Please just kill me._

* * *

The tension running across his shoulders and up his head was killing him. But he kept quiet, conversing his energy as he watched Cora hacked the door. His grip on his rifle knuckle white. Drack had ben sneaking looks at him, as if waiting for him to fly apart. Jaal was nothing but anxiety and regret threatening to explode. 

But he wouldn’t do that, not yet. 

His emotions swung on a pendulum between fear and fury, keeping him off balance. All that emotions was buzzing under his skin, screaming for an outlet he couldn’t provide, not yet at any rate. But they were close. Soon he’ll have an enemy he could wrap his hands around and strangle, an enemy he could shoot and kill. Drack didn’t need to worry, he wasn’t going to waste his rage on people undeserving of his anger.

“Door breach in three seconds,” Cora called. “Get ready.”

“Three.” Drack pressed his bulk against the airlock. 

“Two.” Cora flashed blue, her shotgun at the ready. 

“One.” Jaal flicked the safety off his rifle. 

They entered the Archon’s ship. It was large, he wasn’t here the first time Ryder came on board. She had picked Liam and Vetra for that particular mission. Though he wasn’t there when she died to get them out of the Archon’s trap, he heard it all through the comms. 

_It won’t happen again. I’ll keep this promise. I swear._

Room after room, they went, some empty, some occupied, they stormed through like an executioner’s squad. Kett after kett refused to give them Ryder’s location, they all died laughing at them. 

“Your Pathfinder is gone. The Archon is reduced her down to her component parts. Give up.”

Jaal growled and broke their limbs viciously, heedless of the looks Cora and Drack were exchanging. “Where is she?” 

There was no answer. The dead kept their secrets.

“SAM, do you detect the Pathfinder’s life signs?” Cora asked for the umpteenth time. 

Jaal held his breath.

“Yes,” SAM replied after a long pause. “Her vitals are failing.”

“Where?” he shouted. 

A nav pointed popped up on their omni-tool and he was off before Cora could speak. 

“Fuck! Go after him, Drack!”

Jaal didn’t hear how COra co-ordinated with the Tempest to keep the majority of the troops away from them. It was a mix of pure piloting wizardry by Kallo and SAM’s superior cyber warfare suite that kept the Tempest one step ahead. All he had in his mind was Ryder. She was calling for him. 

The nav point blinked bright and clear. Ryder was in the next room. The end was so close yet so far. He slammed his palm on the holo-lock and the doors slid open. Throwing himself into the room, he pressed his back against the nearest cover. 

Nothing. There was no gunfire, there was nothing. Then as he poked his head up, he saw something small and black lobbed overhead and landed next to him. 

“Ancestors! Grenade!”

As he flung himself away, he knew he was too slow, he was too close. This was it. He had been stupid and he had allowed his emotions to get in the way. And he was going to die before he got to Ryder. The impact hurled him against the wall but as he sat up he was strangely unhurt. A blue shield flickered and died as a hand yanked him back behind cover. 

Cora shoved her face right into his. “Do. Not. Ever. Do. That. Again!” 

“Yeah,” he replied, shakily. 

“Come on, we got kett to kill, stop with the chit chat!” Drack shouted as he charged into the fray. 

Jaal shook off the fear and turned his rifle on the kett. The battle went on and on, but they were gaining ground. The entire ship rocked as an alarm blared. “The package has been delivered,” Cora sighed. “Finally.”

“What?” he asked. 

“Suffice to say, the kett has something else to worry about now.”

“Clan Nakmor wanted to give the kett some payback.” Drack explained. 

Jaal nodded tightly. The kett in the room were all dead. If the Archon was here, he had not seen him. Instead as he turned his gaze to the room he blanched. The cover he had been fighting from weren’t bulkheads or crates, they were metal tables. All of them held a body within an orange cage of sort. The bright lights had obscured his vision from the contents within. 

With a trembling hand, he brushed against the cage and the orange field fell, revealing the insides. 

“No.” 

A woman laid on the table. Brown hair splayed around her face. Her brown eyes wide open but it had a glaze over them that only death brought. Her pale skin peeled back from her body, revealing her organs haphazardly heaped into the cavity, as she was but bag of flesh made to hold blood and organs. 

_Brown hair like Ryder’s, brown eyes like Ryder’s_

He looked, really looked. Eyes taking in all the details, his breath grew shallower and shallower. Her face was frozen in a rictus of utter agony. 

_No, no, no… This…_

“It’s not her.” Someone tugged on his shoulder. 

Jaal whirled around. Relief flooded his body even as he chided himself for it. “It’s not?” His voice was hopeful yet apprehensive. 

He looked at Cora for confirmation. All he could see was Ryder’s face superimposed over the woman’s. He no longer trusted his eyes. She looked a little green even under her helmet, but she held his gaze. “It’s not her.”

“Yes, Lieutenant Harper is correct. This isn’t Pathfinder Ryder.”

“What happened to her? What did they do?” he asked, unable to take his eyes away from the body. 

_What have I done? What have I forced Ryder to go through?_

Drack tightened his grip on his shoulder. “Doesn’t matter, we will kill the Archon. Let’s find the kid, now.”

He took a shuddering breath and turned to the next table and the next. On and on they went, uncovering horrors upon horrors. The room felt unimaginable small for the horrors it held. 

_Please hang on Ryder. Please!_

Then his ears picked up the telltale sound of a heart rate monitor. He hurried over, bypassing tables still glowing with an orange field over them. 

“Please, please, please forgive me,” a voice begged. “Don’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Hands up!” Jaal shouted. 

There was a lone man standing among the tables. He was dressed in what used to be a white lab coat now stained blood red, his hands gloved in latex were similarly red. 

“Who are you? What are you doing?”

The man stared at him, his eyes wet with tears as he held his hands up. “God, you’re really here. I’m not hallucinating am I? I’m Kevin. I’m trying to save her.”

“Who?” Jaal growled as he closed the space between them. 

He turned and froze. There on the table was Ryder. Her skin was so pale her freckles stood out against her bloodless face. Her eyes wide open, body peeled open like an onion and a deep gash across her head. It was an uneven cut but he could see the bone white of her skull underneath. 

“What did you do!” Jaal roared. “What did you do? What did you do?”

Cora and Drack came running over. He heard twin gasps behind him. Jaal was past caring. The Archon wasn’t here but Kevin was. His rifle snapped up and he pulled the trigger. 

Kevin fell back against the table behind him. His hands pressed against the blooming bloodstain on his chest. He stared at it and stammered. “She promised I wouldn’t die. She promised-“

And he was dead, eyes dulled. Still the fury in Jaal’s chest raged on and on. Cora was shouting into her omni-tool. “Get Lexi here now!”

Lexi came with Liam and their reaction was no different. While Liam had to excuse himself and be sick in the corner, Lexi took charge. The decision was made, they were taking the entire table along. She wouldn’t risk moving Ryder now. 

“The Pathfinder’s vitals are failing,” SAM reported. 

“Do not do this Ryder, help is here. Just hang on,” Cora shouted as Lexi climbed onto the table and massage Ryder’s heart directly with her two hands. 

Jaal couldn’t look, not at the disaster he had wrought. _What have I done? What have I done to Ryder? Why didn’t I keep my promise?_

“Vitals stabilising,” SAM updated. 

“Goddess, they had not give her pain medication. She is just paralysed as they cut into her. The monsters!” Lexi cried.

Jaal felt his heart stopped, the pain there intensified a million fold and he wanted to smash something, anything. Lexi quickly administered proper anaesthesia. She closed Ryder’s eye lids so that she was no longer starring accusingly at them. 

The rest of the mission was a blur. Jaal remembered carrying the table with Drack while the others covered them. He remembered the rest of the crew gasping and crying at the sight of Ryder. A sterile tent was set up in the middle of the cargo bay. The table was too large for the med-bay. As the Tempest sped towards the Nexus, Jaal watched as the Archon’s ship blew up in their wake. 

“Have your clan people got away in time?” Cora asked. 

“Don’t worry about them. They can take care of themselves. They are happy to lend a hand. Make sure Tann don’t forget about that,” Drack said. 

She nodded tightly, eyes lingering on the white tent that now took up all available space in the cargo bay. The crew waited with bated breath. 

Jaal sat facing the tent’s only exit, his eyes glued to the frosted panels that looked into the tent. All he saw was a shadow moving around inside, the steady beep of the heart rate monitor. It was the only indication that Ryder was still alive. 

_Lexi will fix you, just hold on. Everything will be ok._

* * *

The wounds were horrific. The scars would be permanent. Ryder was bandaged like a mummy, every part of her torn apart, broken and shattered. Her scalp was sliced open, her skull cracked but her brain seemed to have suffered no damage. But nothing is for certain till she woke up. 

Lexi pumped her full of drugs and kept her in a coma for weeks, allowing her body time to knitted itself together. Muscles and bone, skin and flesh, bit by bit the human body pulled it all together again. But it was her emotional and mental scars that worried Jaal the most. 

She was tortured, made to experience her own live dissection. Would anyone be whole after that? 

_She will be fine. She will pull through. I’ve kept my promise. She is home now. All she needs is time to recover._

Jaal held her hand tight between his, rubbing circles into her too pale skin. Lexi had been weaning her off the sedatives. Ryder had been showing signs of waking for days now. But she wasn’t truly awake yet. 

Her hand tightened its grip around his. It had happened a few times before but hope always flared in his chest. Her eyes fluttered opened. It was the first time since the Archon’s ship he saw her brown eyes. They were clear now, not glazed over. 

“Hey, Sara,” he whispered. “It’s me.”

She blinked, slow and deliberate, looking but not quite seeing. Then the trembling started, tears streamed down her face. Her mouth opened and closed as if she was speaking but he heard nothing but a hoarse rasp. 

Jaal straightened. She was waking, it’s happening. He jammed his thumb against the call button, knowing it would summon Lexi. He brushed his fingers against her face. She shook harder as if flinching away from his touch. 

“I was so scared, I was so scared I’ve let you down. It should have been me,” he sobbed into her hands. 

She shivered harder. _Is this normal? Is this supposed to happen? Is she having a seizure?_

“Ryder, talk to me. Please talk to me.”

Her mouth opened and closed again, the rasp grew louder but still he couldn’t make out the words. Her voice was stuck in her throat. Had the breathing tube damaged her vocal cords?

Her eyes darted wildly looking at him but he saw no recognition in them. Hope died and dread grew heavy in his chest. 

Her mouth cracked open wider and she found her voice. Ryder screamed. 

It was a sound of wordless pain and agonising suffering. Jaal jerked to his feet, letting go of her hands. He wanted to run, to escape the soul-shattering scream. It was so raw and ragged, he wondered if her throat was scrapped bloody by it. Ryder trembled uncontrollably as tears streamed down her face.

It was the screams she was forced to hold back since her capture. 

Lexi was shouting for help. He just stood by and watched, helpless and impotent. The woman he knew to be strong and brave had been shattered and broken. She was home, she was safe but her mind was stuck in her most horrible moments. 

As her screams ran dry, words started forming. Hope rose only for it to be shattered. 

“Please, SAM, Jaal, anyone! Please just end this,” Ryder cried over and over. The words that were stuck in her mind were all let loose now. 

He listened in horror as his love begged for release, wondering over and over again why he hadn’t just done as he had promised. Jaal fell to his knees. This was his fault. He failed her. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Sara”

Twin souls shattered by a promise unfulfilled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed!


End file.
